Making time for small joys : plus a tool for finding balance in your life and business
“How you spend your days is how you spend your life”
After spending some much needed time reflecting on life at the end of 2019 I came to many realisations. The biggest was probably around how I was choosing to spend my time, and therefore also my life. As I’ve mentioned before, I hadn’t found the right balance between work (my side-business more specifically) and, well, everything else.
A lot of last year, I have come to realise, was spent channelling my energy into the wrong places. Always busy with something and rarely switching off. Never taking a step back to truly reflect, and always feeling like I was a step behind where I should be.
Every spare bit of mental energy was dedicated towards planning for, or worrying about how I was going to make the business work. I never really settled on one specific goal; I flitted around from one task to the next busying myself, but not feeling like I was making any real progress.
My energy would swing from great highs where I would feel full of inspiration, hopes and dreams for all that was possible; to apathetic lows where imposter-syndrome would drag me back down to earth where my unremarkable self belonged (along with my daydreams).
Amidst all of this turbulence and the routines of daily life, I’d somehow lost touch with all of the other things that used to get me excited. The small things that, when given the correct amount of care and attention, create pockets of joy in an otherwise standard week.
Spending too much energy, both physical and mental, on just one thing is never a healthy way to live; but aside from my family, the business was pretty much the only thing I was thinking about.
I recently came across a quote on Instagram that felt like a light bulb moment for me:
“It’s often when we have invested so much of our sense of wellbeing and worth into a singular goal that we forget there are other, often smaller things that are just as important - maintaining time with family, being able to exercise the way you want, trying out that new recipe you’ve been wanting to try. Turns out these goals are also important to maintain so you don’t come crashing down.”
And that’s just it.
It’s the little things, the daily moments that make life what it is. The morning stretch that sets you up for the day; the nourishing lunch you packed for yourself the night before; the time spent colouring in with your kids instead of vegging in front of the TV; the life-affirming book that changes your perspective forevermore. If I’d been spending all my mental energy on one specific goal, how was I showing up for the rest of the things I wanted to enjoy in life?
The smaller goals were still there at the back of my mind, but they’d been put to the bottom of the pile; saved for another day when I’d gotten more on top of things. More than that though, the boundaries between my personal time and when I was working on, or thinking about the business were pretty much non-existent due to the fact I had no real structure around it - this led to me being nearly always ‘switched on’.
With hindsight I can see how unhealthy that was; being preoccupied with ‘the big goal’ and not recognising that what makes life truly precious and enjoyable is what is already in front of you. I had an unrecognised need to slow things down and to take some simple actions that would have a big impact on my well-being; yet I had been totally neglecting these things, or not enjoying them properly for the guilt that I should be doing something else.
So that’s why I decided on this big change.
It’s been a few weeks since I made the decision to stop making and selling products, and after some initial trepidation I’m starting to feel a lot lighter. My mindset has changed and I no longer feel bad for not being constantly productive.
In the last few months I’d actually argue that I’ve achieved more than I have done in a long time, but without feeling overworked or overwhelmed. Sometimes all it takes is a fresh perspective, some time taken for reflection as well as learning to be a bit kinder to myself. Oh, and having a more acceptable sleeping pattern (after nearly 2 years!) has helped a bunch too! Thanks kids.
The circles of life
I sometimes use a reflective tool called the ‘wheel of life’ (which you may have heard of), but recently I made up my own, simpler version with three areas of focus instead of the usual eight. I thought the ‘circles of life’ had a bit of a ring to it.
The three areas of focus are:
Myself
My Relationships
My Goals
It’s the same principle as the wheel of life in that you take some time to reflect on how satisfied you are in each of these life areas and make lists of things you can do to improve them. The idea is that you try and work towards a level of balance between the three, and not focus too heavily on just one or two.
If one area is thriving whilst another feels neglected, it’s time to make some changes to level it out some more.
One thing I realised I’m really bad at is making time for friends. Thankfully my other half is much more sociable and organised in that area, so he makes most of the plans for the both of us. But I’ve noticed that other friendships weren’t being nurtured the way they should be, so I’ve made that a goal for this year.
I used to spend too much time focusing on my one big goal and left little to no time for self-care, so again I’m readdressing the balance and carving out some time to take better care of myself.
the categories
You can fill this up with whatever you like, but here are just a few ideas of the things I may be writing down.
Myself can include things such as: reading for pleasure, yoga, taking a nap, watching TV, meditating, relaxing in the bath, journalling, gardening. Otherwise known as self-care or simply doing the things that fill me up on a personal or spiritual level.
My relationships can be things such as: quality time with the kids, date night, a night out with friends, keeping in touch, a day trip, visiting family, making dinner for friends, a tea/coffee meet up, a phone call or even a quick text, just letting someone know when I’m thinking about them.
My goals can include things like: writing a blog post, practising my photography, learning to drive, brainstorming ideas, planning ahead, networking online, reading for personal growth, creating content, taking a course. Any action that takes me a step closer to achieving my goals.
The areas can overlap, and you may even find an activity that encompasses all three (although that’s not necessarily the aim).
As long as no particular area is neglected, I should be feeling generally okay.
Now the next trick is to plan out how you are going to fit things from all three areas into your week, month and (ideally) three monthly or even yearly schedule. This is something I’m still experimenting with in order to find the right blend between blocked out time for intentional tasks and a more spontaneous approach to when you find yourself with a spare half hour (or even 10 minutes) - or for the days when life just happens, you know?
Anyway I hope you’ve found some of that useful or insightful at the very least; and please let me know if you try out my ‘circles of life’ tool (feel free to print it out) - especially if it works for you!
Lois x
