Unsettled times : my thoughts and feelings
I’ve been wondering whether or not to say anything for a few days now. In times of ‘world events’ I’m usually one of the folk joining in on other people’s platforms, offering my love and support, not the one making a statement of sorts. I have always preferred to share calm, positive images and words online. My Instagram feed reflects that, as do my other social channels. It just feels easier for me; less vulnerable. It also sometimes comes down to the kind of energy I want to put ‘out there’. But in honesty although I am mostly a calm and positive person, I also suffer sometimes with anxiety. Not always outwardly - some of my friends are often shocked when I tell them I’ve been churned up about something - “but you’re so chilled!”. Erm yeah, tell my brain that.
So with all that’s going on in the world at the moment it can be very easy for me to retreat into my comfort zone of consumption over creating; to go quiet on social media and make myself less visible online. That’s what I usually do - it’s not necessarily good for me, but rather a natural response. I remove myself, then slowly step back into the light once it feels safer. But this time I’ve decided to do things differently.
I realise that we humans need connection. We need to hear from people with lots of different voices and opinions; from those with the loud voices as well as the quiet. The articulate, the comedians, the confident optimists and the people struggling. From people like you and from people like me too.
I think it’s healthy to acknowledge our feelings, not bottle them up as we Brits are so good at doing, and share them with others in the hope of providing some solidarity. Whenever I’m going through something new or difficult I usually go looking for others that are like me, or are going through something similar. It’s comforting to know there are others out there sharing your experience. It helps me when I read others’ thoughts and feelings - which is why I’m putting mine out there too. Our need for connection is strong.
With that said, I also want to continue sharing positive things online. When our heads and hearts are heavy with worry, something small/beautiful/funny/cute can lift us up - even if only for a moment. It’s nice to be reminded of the nice things. I suppose there’s a balance to be had, as with most things in life.
Right now I think the best thing I can be is here, but also useful. So with that in mind I thought I’d share a few things I’ve been doing that are helping me manage my anxiety so far:
keeping busy - it’s been an enthusiastic start to the Spring clean and all those little jobs that never get done are getting done.
limiting news consumption - I know lots of people are doing this. An important step if you want to avoid feeling panic rising.
gratitude practice - something I do sometimes anyway, but am really enjoying the benefits of now. Make a list, every day. It can be on paper or just in your head, both work fine.
exercise - another mood booster, and health booster too of course. I’ve chosen to take part in the 30 day yoga challenge with Adrienne on YouTube.
happy distractions - crochet, reading and watching some feel-good stuff on TV (currently Sex Education on Netflix and Monty Don’s around the world in 80 gardens on BBC iPlayer - both are a tonic).
crying - every day, just a bit when I need it. It just helps me release some of the internal tension I hold for most of the day. If you’re into it, let yourself cry too. Don’t hold it in if you don’t need to.
staying connected - every day and night I’ve been talking on the phone with loved ones (this is the most I’ve spoken on the phone in years!) and I’m loving it. I really hope this is a habit that continues long after the crisis is over.
being helpful - when I feel powerless for the most part, I’m finding comfort in the little that I can do to help. And also recognising the privilege of being able to help too.
Whatever small things we can do to stay positive, but not complacent, is important.
I keep coming back to my guiding word for the year, ‘brave’, which is becoming increasingly relevant. I’m doing the little that I can to push past my tendency to retreat and instead try and stay connected, and also hopefully useful somehow. After all, connection was a big focus for me online this year and it’s also what we all need in this unprecedented time.
So I suppose what I’m saying is, I’m here. And I’m sticking around this time, even though I’m finding it hard to show up. And if you feel the same as me, feel free to let me know - my email and DMs are open for a chat, about anything big or small.
Lois x