A new decade, some big changes and my word for the year
I’m feeling excited. It’s a new decade, and all the usual ‘fresh start’ energy has been supercharged by the fact we’re leaving the 20-teen years behind. I’ve loved the last decade. It saw many huge changes for me. Lots of learning and growing. It’s the decade I got married, became a mother, bought a house, moved city and started a business - lots of big things to feel grateful for (and lots of small things too).
However, I’ll admit that one thing has been feeling like a struggle over the last few months, or maybe even longer - my small business. More and more, I’ve come to realise, I have been feeling like it’s a weight on my shoulders. I’ve not been feeling the same positive energy it usually gives me. Although I’m still excited by all the possibility it offers me, in truth I’ve been completely overwhelmed with the workload and unrealistic expectations I was putting myself under.
I will go into the details another time; but without always realising it, I have been prioritising the wrong things and spending my energy in places that weren’t really aligned with my goals.
A month or so ago I started to reflect on how I would feel if I were to let logii go. At first I felt A LOT of resistance towards that idea. It felt like too much of a waste of my time - years even - and a massive failure on my part. I’ve given things up in my life time and time again: piano lessons, ballet classes, A-levels, art school, driving lessons (to name a few)… I’ve also given up on dreams, many times. It’s something I feel deep shame about - a character flaw that’s reared it’s ugly head again. A story I tell myself that I’m only just starting to realise isn’t only untrue, but totally unfair.
I kept veering back to the idea of letting logii go; and then sometime before Christmas I started to feel that maybe, it might not be such a terrible idea - for the sake of my happiness (you know, which is actually quite a big deal when you think about it). It started to feel like more of a relief. A chance to wipe away all the stress and pressure I was putting myself under and rethink things for a while.
So I gave myself permission to put that aside for a few weeks and maybe start dreaming of other possibilities.
But what instead?
I knew from the start that I didn’t want to just quit and forget everything. I have spent the last 4 and a half years in business with logii and in that time have learned SO MUCH. Too much to then ‘throw it all away’. I’ve built many things that I’m proud of and have a wonderful community over on Instagram that I definitely don’t want to say “goodbye” to. Nope, instead I’ve decided to change things up and let go of what’s not working for me.
With that said, I’ll no longer be selling my handmade, crocheted items on Etsy or my website. I have a few listings still active, and a few items still in stock; but once they’ve expired or run out that’s it. I’ll not be making/selling any more.
Instead I’m going to shift my focus and creativity into other areas. Things that I’m already doing in my day to day life, but not necessarily sharing online. Things I’ve learned by running a small business and doing all the soul-searching stuff along the way.
I’m choosing to make space for more of the things that fill me up and hoping to inspire you in the process.
I want to add value…
… whilst also serving my own needs, and my family of course. Designing, making and selling crocheted items was great in so many ways, but also led to overwhelm and sometimes resentment. Feelings I’m not excited about taking into the new decade with me.
Letting go of crocheting for money will free me up to do more of what I love - crocheting for pleasure! Something that I’ve not done properly in the longest time. I can start to make things for myself and others without feeling guilty that I’m not working on the business. I’ve even gone and bought myself some new patterns to get me started.
I have definitely spent too much time and energy stressing about the things I ‘should’ be doing instead of enjoying the little things that make up my days. I had built a business that demanded too much focus in too many areas and the balance just wasn’t there for it to work for me. I mean, what is the point of building something for yourself that doesn’t fit in with the vision you have for your life?
I have spent too long trudging on the wrong path and I’ve only just realised how lost I am.
It is time for a new dream.
And I’m still mulling it over. I don’t have all the answers right now, but I do have some ideas and I hope you’ll stick around with me to find out where all this is going.
In the meantime I will still be hanging out online. Hopefully adding value by sharing the things I’m passionate about and the many things I’ve learned through running a small creative business for nearly five years.
My word for the year
And so with all of that off my chest, I’d like to share my word of the year with you… BRAVE.
I feel that in order for me to really grow this year I need to try some new things and new approaches. I also need to bravely let go of things that might not be working (I’ve made a good start on that one) and get out of my comfort zone a little bit.
By publishing these intentions right here for you all to see on the internet I’m giving myself some accountability, but who knows, it might even inspire some of you to take a look at what’s working (or not) in your business or life and to let that stuff go.
Lois
x
Hello I’m Lois
I’m a UK based designer, maker and mother on a journey to a more simple and natural lifestyle.
Welcome to my blog where I write about simple, soulful and creative living.