Belief Systems
We all carry a story with us. We tell ourselves this story: the one about our lives, ourselves and the way the world works, every day. Everything we’ve ever experienced in life feeds into this story, it helps us paint a picture of our surroundings and the people within it. It helps us to know what to expect in certain situations and where we fit into all of it too. It’s how we make sense of the world.
We also make sense of every new experience by referencing all of our past experiences. We like things to fit into mental boxes; it makes us feel comfortable. That’s part of the reason stereotypes exist, and we can make huge assumptions about people, places, things, brands - you name it - within seconds. We attach meaning to things based on our life experiences and our conditioning and we can be conscious of this, or completely unaware.
When we want to change something; be it something about our habits, our routines, our work, our relationships or our lives; it often requires us to question our own reality. This makes us feel uncomfortable, and can show itself in various ways. This discomfort can show up as fear, anxiety, resistance or denial maybe.
Examining our emotional reactions to these challenges as well as our own belief systems can be so enlightening and is often the first step to making significant change in our behaviour. For example, I used to believe that I had to change the way I spoke before anyone would take me seriously. Feels quite vulnerable to say that, but it’s a belief that has held me back for a long time.
After asking myself why that might be, and taking steps to prove otherwise I am unlearning this belief I have held for so long. And guess what? I have expanded so much in my own personal and spiritual growth since then, and that is just one belief I’ve challenged - what about all the others?
the stories we tell
Everything we believe about ourselves and the world around us has been built from our experiences of either being positively or negatively reinforced (rewarded or punished). This could look like the irritable teacher that always scrutinised your handwriting, the outspoken family member who laughed at your opinions or the positive peer group that always got on board with your ideas. This in turn shapes our behaviour, our attitudes and our beliefs. It’s like a form of conditioning, and it’s different for everyone.
We can be so conditioned to behave or react in a certain way, that it can take a long time to un-condition ourselves from our own natural responses. But then why would we want to change anyway? It all comes down to whether something is serving you, and your values, or not. If the beliefs you hold are keeping you from living the life you crave, then it’s time to examine exactly what they are and where they may have come from.
Self-discovery is the tool to do this. A lifetime of conditioning is not going to be undone overnight, so it’s time to get curious about yourself and the beliefs within.
What are the stories you tell yourself? Quite a broad question I know. It can be hard to know where to start, but here are a few pointers to get you going. Do you ever tell yourself things like:
I’m not clever enough
I don’t have the right skills to do that.
I’ll never be confident enough to do that.
All work is hard.
I’ll never be rich.
That’s not for people like me.
Think of something you want to do, but have been putting off or even dismissed completely. How do you feel when you think about doing that thing, and why? What excuses are coming up for you when you think about doing that thing? Do any of them relate to potential beliefs you have that may be holding you back?
Have you heard of the ‘blue eye, brown eye’ experiment? It was a classroom study on discrimination, but effectively demonstrates the power of belief systems. You can read about it here.
How to identify hidden beliefs
There are a few ways you can become more aware of potential hidden beliefs:
Look at your self-talk. What kinds of things do you say to yourself that might come from a hidden belief you hold about yourself or the world.
Have you ever had a disproportionate emotional reaction to something? Did you feel triggered, and could this have come from a past experience or hidden belief?
Do you repeat the same actions or behaviour? Do you always end up in similar situations, or are there repeated patterns in your life?
When we start to uncover hidden belief systems we can gain a better understanding of how and why we behave the way we do, and if something is not serving us we can then make a more informed decision as to whether we want to change our beliefs.
questioning our beliefs
Everyone has a belief system, and we are all different. We all believe different things based on our experiences, and it is so nuanced. Getting to know yourself and what your own beliefs are is an empowering exercise - beliefs don’t have to be static and we can choose at any time to change our beliefs.
It is not a case of who is right and wrong, but more about whether your belief system is working for you and the world you inhabit. A belief system is just a habit of perspective - they are thoughts you keep thinking, and don’t have any real bearing on reality outside of what you think to be true. If I believe that rats are adorable, but you believe they are frightening - which reality is true?
Whichever belief you hold in this instance is going to affect your thoughts, your behaviour and the way you react when presented with a rat. This may never cause you an issue in your whole life, but if a belief is holding you back you have the power to change it.
There are particular belief system areas that can have an impact on your ability to progress. Think about how you feel about: failure, challenge, work, money, talent, education, fate. Is there a particular stumbling block you seem to come across often?
Once you start to uncover some of your beliefs, it’s good to then question where they have come from. Is it from past experience, a friend or family member, or something you’ve read online maybe?
Also ask yourself whether what you believe is true. How do you know? Could you be wrong? Do you want to be wrong? How does this belief make you feel? Who would you be without this belief?
Opening up a space for challenging your own beliefs creates space for opportunity and growth. It can be a long process, but with practice self-awareness can be a skill that is developed and used to help you overcome fear and self-doubt. Self-discovery is a wonderful tool and something you can use time and time again, as we are forever growing and changing.